A lot of people who know me of late know about the car crash I endured just over a year ago in Saudi Arabia. A bus driver hit the car I was in full force at an intersection while neglecting to slow down or even notice the "Stop" sign where he should have yielded. I suffered some cuts and bruises. My friend Ed who was driving got it a bit worse. My friend Lito who was sitting in the back suffered grave injuries. He didn't make it later that day. It was a fate that I wouldn't wish on anybody.
Only my family knows of the time when I was irresponsible driver. Nearly every young adult male has probably gone through this stage, getting behind the wheel full of excitement and testosterone. It's only reinforced by culture and marketing, bombarded with insinuations that you're more of a man when you go faster.
I was definitely one of those guys; treating Manila highways as racetracks; familiarizing myself with every exit, stretch, and turn to take any advantage of getting ahead while on the way to school, work, or home. I've felt the exhilaration getting "there" first, of weaving through traffic, of near-misses and risky maneuvers.
There was one evening I was speeding down a long two-way road with my 50-year old uncle beside me. We treated each other as buds back then, and he was too kind to let me have it if I was misbehaving. I was overtaking slower cars every so often. Then as three cars in front of me were in my way, I boldly tried to pass them all. And as I shifted to the opposite lane, a cement truck was coming towards me.
Knowing my speed and how much road I had left, I knew I could make it, but I also knew that there would be room for no error, as cars who were following behind me had closed the gap I had left. I swerved ahead of those three cars just at the right moment, and though I had a wide grin on my face, my uncle was dead silent the rest of the way. I didn't need to look at his face to know what he was thinking.
But the rest of the way home, I could only think of one thing. I was lucky to be alive. Every other time I had remembered that night, I kept on recoiling at that near-miss moment. "What the hell were you thinking? I'll never do that again!" Or so I thought.
A few years later, I was coming home from a friend's birthday bash. Though I wasn't drinking, my mind was pumped up with the verve of electronica blasting in the car. I was driving a 1994 Honda Civic, the kind of you see among rice rockets frequently pimped on the streets of LA. But it wasn't my car. It wasn't customized or juiced in any way. But o did my juvenile imagination shine through. I thought I was the king of the road.
A blue Mistubishi "Adventure" came up from behind, and off us idiots went weaving through the bright-lit highway. As I was behind him crossing underneath a bridge, I decided to make my move, changing lanes to overtake on the slower lane, and once again I found myself about to hit another oncoming object, this time being a slower car. I hit the breaks, but my tires couldn't take control, and so I spun.
That was the first time in a vehicle when I felt everything slow down, just like that moment in Saudi Arabia where I saw that bus about to hit us from the driver side. As the car spun, I thought, "Brace yourself!" I didn't know whether I was going to hit another car, or be slammed from the back.
I hit a guardrail, and spun a bit faster, but soon came to a halt. I was in shock, waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. The front tire on the right was smashed, and so went my steering. Cars slowed down behind me as I made my way to the side of the road.
My brain shouted, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What if I got hit? What if I hit someone else?" I was shaken. My heart-pounding. I called Claire, who was then my girlfriend and soon my mom to tell them I was ok.
I never drove with much bravado after that. Partly because my confidence was shattered, and mostly because my perspective had changed. It was a few years after my dad had passed away. We didn't have much, and now I had wrecked my mom's way of getting around. My mom was grateful nothing happened to me, but later on she joked, "Next time you want to speed, wreck your own car."
Usually with age comes wisdom. I never saw roads as racetracks ever again. And by the time I owned my own car, I had a daughter to take care of, so now I drive like an old lady, and am happy to do so.
One of the first people who wished me well after my car crash in Saudi Arabia was Roger Ebert. I've been fortunate to know him as a friend. And as one, I can say that there isn't a malicious bone in his body. When he tweeted, "Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive." he was exactly right. Yes it may have been too soon, and of course it hurt Ryan's friends and family. But the truth is, it would be a lot more irresponsible letting Ryan's behavior slide that night, and Roger pointed that out. In many ways, I was in the same position he was. And I'd gladly stop anyone from repeating my gloriously moronic mistakes.
Ryan Dunn did some obscene things as a stuntman on his show, but of course that does not define him as a bad person, any more than my past dangerous driving shenanigans define me. But as someone who nearly got killed behind the wheel and in front of it, I can say this: If I had irresponsibly caused someone else's death, and my own, I deserve to be called a jackass. But I beg you, never let it get that far.
That's quite a story and it's something I recognise from when I was younger. Never had accidents and near misses though, but sometimes you do take unnecessary risks (like taking a corner to quickly with the car almost slipping away). With age comes wisdom as they say and I'm no longer driving like that. When you are younger you feel invincible. It's a shame if your family should find out that you were not.
You were indeed lucky that nothing happened to you and can warn others about the dangers. I agree with Ebert completely.
Last year, my parents were hit by a speeding drunk driver who didn’t even come close to the speed Ryan Dunn was driving at and it was looking extremely dire for both of them, especially my mom; it killed their dog.
I back Mr. Ebert 100%, except I surely couldn’t have less sympathy for Dunn himself.
As someone who's been the bad friend in the past who's let people drive away in a car when I doubted their sobriety (not wanting to be the 'jackass' who said something), I understood Mr. Ebert's tweet as I think he meant it. And I agree with him wholeheartedly.
Maybe it was too soon, maybe. Or maybe just a little too late. I feel fortunate that nothing has ever happened to those dear to me, but that's just been luck. As much as they must be hurting at his loss, I also hope that none of Ryan Dunn's friends and family are dealing with any other regrets on top.
Coincidently my brother was in a car accident Saturday night. His driving antics in the past are quite reminiscent of the stories you just shared. Ironically, this time he was hit by a 21 year-old version of himself, drunk and reckless as only the young can be. Lucky for them both, only the cars were the casualties. As for their driving and criminal records, well, we'll see. It's surely an expensive learning experience, but one that will hopefully work and keep them from sharing the same fate of Ryan Dunn.
That's an important piece, Michael. As was, in my opinion, Roger's tweet about driving drunk, followed by his story about his own drinking past.
It may be common enough behavior in young guys, as you say, but girls do it, too. I did: drove much too fast after drinking at a bar. This was in my 20s, alone on fourth priority mountain roads where few other souls could be found. So mostly I was risking my own self. But it was very, very stupid.
There were 3 alcoholics on my dad's side: his two older brothers and him. In the 1980s I organized an intervention, bringing together people from 5 states to surprise my father in Ohio, and get him into treatment. It was a profound experience, bringing us closer than we'd been since I was a child. Instead of tiptoeing around the subject, we got real with each other. And he did go into treatment that weekend, spending an entire month at a facility, but he couldn't make it last. There were two more extended treatments over the years, neither of which, sadly, were ultimately successful.
My dad didn't injure or kill anyone with his drinking. But, just as his older brothers had, he hurt people who cared for him and shortened his life, dying at just 64.
Alcohol is a very bad business for the many, many people who can't handle it. Especially when they get in a car.
Great read. I've never driven drunk, but I know what it feels like to narrowly avoid death - when I was several years younger, a wasp flew into my window, and my panic put me into the opposite ditch at high speed. After that wreck, I was scared of driving for years, and I cycled hundreds of miles.
Well, just this morning, I saw a horsefly crawling across my dash. I calmly pulled into a church parking lot and let the creature out into some grass. How grateful I am to have had the chance to learn; not everyone is so fortunate.
Speaking of Roger Ebert, will you be finishing your posts from Ebertfest? You stopped at Day Three :-)
Also, I'm glad you're still around. Apart from meeting Roger, meeting you and the other FFCs (and Tweeters) was the highlight of Ebertfest for me.
Mike: Thanks for the kind words Greg. I might finish it but I'm trapped by work. I have a long queue of pending pieces. But this one I HAD to do.
At first I viewed Ebert's comment as harsh and spoken too soon, but after reading this it puts what he said into perspective. I think its important that we all give the family and friends time to mourn their loss, but it'd be an injustice to those lost if we didn't bring to light the consequence of drinking and driving. While Ebert's word play could've been more sensative I believe that his willingness to speak out as well as articles like this show more concern for the public than he's getting credit for.
Thank you for writing and sharing yourself and your realizations. More people than would ever admit it have had similar stories about their idiotic behaviors. I loved that quote from the getgo and thinking people might find it hitting home.
I was an idiot for a bit in highschool. No speeding or tricks except for hitting a parked car at 4 a.m. My VW was totalled, pics of my car as they were using the jaws of life to get me out was of considerable embarrassment as they put my parent's names and address under it. Fortunately my blood results were pulled but it was pretty obvious what had happened. I was hospitalized for a couple weeks with a femur fracture with surgery then and a year later. That was 34 years ago but I remember so much of that time.
Ah youth. Now I seldom drink and very little. I honestly prefer a pepsi. Thanks for this article and the space to share this.
It was fortunate that even with severe accident you are alive to describe the day that could have devastated you and your family completely.Even I was a crazy driver and usually speedy driving was my passion but one night when I was returning home from late clubbing,I saw an old truck crushing two people in front of my eyes and that was terrifying and horrible.The truck driver was drunken as well as his speed was too much.That day I promised myself never to drink and drive as well as never to speed up my car in overcrowded places.At last I want to convey others that,"Save life ,save Humanity".